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PART II

I think this next part needs an explanation. Let me start out by introducing a dog now named Riley who came to live with us. Riley can’t claim a pedigree like I can. He is a mutt, a mongrel, a totally undignified mix of un-papered dogs who had a quick tryst, if you know what I mean. I shudder to think there are more like him running around out there. I couldn’t believe it when Mom brought him home in the first place. She called him Dufus the first couple of days he was here, and boy, did she have that right. She says she found him side winding like a rattler with legs down the middle of a busy road and it was a miracle he hadn’t been hit by a car. When she stopped to save his life he splayed all four legs to stop her from putting him in her car. That shows what little intelligence he had even then. Who wouldn’t want to ride in a comfortable Toyota Avalon with heated leather seats? At the time Riley was only six months old and 28 pounds, plenty small enough for her to win that battle.

 Riley eventually gets a diary of his own and some of it is included in my book. I will try to make sure you know when it is Riley’s voice, not mine. Of course, I don’t think anyone can  mistake us. We are very different.

November 30, 2010

Mom said my plan was doomed to fail from the start. But I get ahead of myself. Let me give some background to my story. It all goes back to my buddies, the squirrels. Squirrels are cool, you know. Back at my other house before we moved, my squirrel buddies and I would hang out in the back yard. I would be like, whatcha doin? And they would be like, just huntin’ nuts, so did you get any treats today? And I would be like, yeah, but not enough, let me try some of your nuts.

Mom must have known I’ve been missing my squirrel buddies because she got me a toy squirrel that looks sooooo real. It does  remind me of my buds and I don’t want to hurt it. That’s the set up for what happened this week.

Do you remember in my last entry that I told ya’ll about the two imposters living with me? These boys really get under my skin sometimes. So I hear this squeak, squeak, squeak (you get the point) and I run and look, and there is Piper chewing on my squirrel. I had to think quick, so I grabbed the nearest teddy bear and started running back and forth with it to make it look real enticing. Mom says what I didn’t count on is I was dealing with another schnauzer. He didn’t fall for it. So I get up on the couch next to where he was laying on the floor, still squeak, squeak, squeaking. I flew off the couch onto his head. I was so sure that would work, but he just backed out of it and kept squeak, squeak, squeaking and looking at me like ha, ha. That really ticked me off, so I tried a frontal attack. He just ran off, all the while squeak, squeak.

I am going to have to think this one over.

Lexi, the kawabunga schnauzer without the squirrel

July 6, 2010

I love my new house. There are great smells and the yard has a lot of wonderful smells too. The front yard is really big but I am not allowed out there without Mom or Dad because there isn’t a fence. There is a door that leads out to a patio and a fenced yard in the back so that is wonderful. I have seen some squirrels but I know they aren’t my friends from our last house. Maybe they will like me too after they have time to get to know me. There are a lot of windows to look out and I bark at all the people and dogs walking by. There are birds and bunnies too, just like before we moved. My kennel is here so that is the same. It is in Mom’s great big closet in her bedroom so I have a lot of privacy and peace and quiet to sleep. I like to just go into the closet and lay down sometimes. There is still a lot of unpacking and I get to stick my head in boxes and look for treats and toys. When Mom takes me for walks, it takes a very long time because there are so many dogs in the neighborhood and I have to be very careful to cover up all the places they went pee pee with my own scent. Maybe I will make a new friend here, too. I hope there is a park nearby so Mom will take me lots and lots. I heard we are closer to the lake so we can take my boat there more often. That is a good thing.

Lexi, the happy schnauzer

July 4, 2010

Can you believe we are moving again? I just don’t understand this. I like my house, I like my yard, I like the gate Mom often forgets to shut when she is done mowing the yard and I liked my screen house before the neighbor’s tree fell on it. It is a perfectly good house and I don’t know why we have to go somewhere else. What about my Dobie buddy Stitch and my neighbor buddy John who always gives me treats when he sees me outside? And what about my squirrel friends? Who are they going to play with if I leave? Oh no, what am I going to do?

Lexi, the distressed

December 5, 2010

Mom came home with another dog. She says he is a puppy, so I tried to be nice to him, help him understand how things work at my house. But he is bigger than me and so very annoying. I tried to correct him and he jumped me. That was so completely unfair, especially since he is bigger than me. Mom says he would have been killed on the road if she hadn’t picked him up and she is trying to find his for-real owner. I hope his for-real owner shows up soon because I am pretty sick of having him around. He bites me all the time. Mom says he just wants me to play but I don’t like it. He doesn’t seem to understand that I am in charge around here. Grrrrrrr. I am trying to ignore him and not get upset at him since he is supposed to be a puppy. He is also bugging the heck out of Piper and Milo. Now my step-sisters have come for a week, and Lily is actually playing with him. Then she gets tired of it and puts him in his place. She is bigger than him and he mostly listens to her. As long as he is following her around he isn’t bothering me. Now there are five other dogs in my house. This is almost too much work for me.

Lexi, the bothered schnauzer

January 4, 2010

I am back from the great North! No one told me about the snow, and, being a Georgia peach, I had plum forgotten. Me and mom and dad headed out in the car, and, after several hours, I had to do you-know-what. So dad stopped for gas, then put my leash on me and walked me around. Only I couldn’t find any grass! No, not even any dirt! Next thing I know, dad dumped me in this cold, white stuff. When I recovered from the shock, I bunny hopped around in it and found I could turn it yellow, then back-kick lots of it on top to make it white again. What fun! When I leaped back into the car onto Mom’s lap, I was white all over. She squealed, grabbed a blanket and wrapped me up in it. For once, I didn’t fight the blanket wrap. It felt good to be in a warm blanket while the white stuff they call snow melted all around me.

We stayed in the same hotel where I sleep in the great big huge bed and eat scrambled eggs in the morning. Dad said I had to be very quiet in the room while they went out to catch the chicken so they could get my eggs – otherwise, I might scare away the chicken and then no eggs. It took them awhile to catch that durned chicken, but I was rewarded with a plate of nice warm scrambled eggs. Later, mom said she doesn’t know why we get a king sized bed, when she and dad and I all sleep so close we only take up about 1 foot of it. I think my mom is funny sometimes.

After breakfast we went on up to Illinois to visit my new grandma and grandpa and aunts and uncles and all their pooches. We had Christmas all over again, and wouldn’t you know it, someone bought me clothes. I could have barked for joy when mom said, no, Lexi hates clothes. Then she tried one of them on me to prove they were too small anyhow, and took it right back off. I did get some tennis balls, but I got hit in the eye and on top of the head with one because I was too distracted to play. I was kinda scared of the balls for a while after that, but I am over it now. I don’t know why no one bought me treats.

I want you to know, I made up for the lack of treats after I got home. Mom and dad went to work the very next day after getting home, and I headed straight for the big bucket of greenies. Wasn’t it sweet of them to leave the greenies where I could reach them with no trouble!? I ate about half of them. Then I took one upstairs to the bedroom so I could eat it later. But my tummy was too full, so I just carried it around that night. In fact, my tummy was so full that I didn’t eat my dinner that night or my breakfast or dinner the next day.

Then I went and stayed with my auntie Jennefer, my bestest friend. I was so embarrassed when she told mom that my poop was bright green! Now, I wonder what could have caused that? While I was there, my schnauzer buddy Milo said it would be fun to attack the cat that lives with them. He said the cat hasn’t been feeling well, so we should have a pretty easy time of it. Auntie Jen broke that up really fast, and didn’t she go and tell my mom! Mom was mad at me for two whole days and wouldn’t play with me or give me treats. Wow, I don’t think I will do that again. Actually, mom made me promise that I wouldn’t, and then she forgave me and we made up.

Now my sisters are here and she’s sharing my greenies with them. If you know anything about schnauzers, you know we don’t like to share. It’s bad enough I have to share my house and yard with them every other week. Well, it’s bedtime, and I want to go get in my kennel so my sister Lily doesn’t try to get in it first. I am going to go wait in my kennel for my night-night treat.

I hope you all had good holidays and got lots of treats, cause I don’t want to have to share mine.

Lexi, the selfish schnauzer

 October 15, 2009

Hello fellow woofers and upright friends. As usual, I was right. Mom and dad and I went on vacation. My step-sisters didn’t get to go (yahoo!). We went to a motel in Chicago where I had my own big bed to sleep in, and, as usual, got scrambled eggs for breakfast. I was a very good girl and didn’t bark or leave poopy presents. Then we went to a cabin on a lake in Wisconsin. I liked going down to the lake and hanging out with my Mom and we even went on an old pontoon boat. It wasn’t as nice as my boat, but I still liked the ride. Later in the week we moved to a place called a bed and breakfast. Some bed I had to sleep in a kennel. I did get a good breakfast of leftovers from the night before.  Yummmm. I heard that my dad used to own the house a long time ago and that is the only reason why I was allowed to stay there. I don’t understand why they don’t allow dogs. Bud lives there, and he is a dog. At least I think Bud lives there and I think he is a dog. I never really saw him until the morning we were leaving, and, from across the yard he looked more like a hairy footstool. He’s something called a Puli. Ever heard of that, my fine furry friends? No, me either. Travelling was a lot of fun, especially all the new smells. There just isn’t enough time in the day to take them all in. It is still good to be home in my own kennel every night, drinking out of my own water bottle. “There’s no place like home.”

Lexi the travelling dog

September 5, 2009

Something is definitely going on around here. My travel bag is out and Mom is putting some of my food and favorite toys and a ball and my bone in it. I think we are going somewhere. I bet Mom is taking me to a hotel again, where I get to sleep in a big bed and eat scrambled eggs for breakfast. Then there are all the new, nifty smells. I hope I get to dance and eat lots of treats, too. Oh, wait, I didn’t see her pack any t-r-e-a-t-s. (He, he, she thinks I don’t know what that means!)

I will have to remind her about the treats, t-r-e-a-t-s.

Hmm, now it is starting to make sense that Mom and dad were counting on their fingers how many different states I have been in (7) and how many I have stayed overnight in (5) – which, of course, is different than how many I have slept in. :} I will let ya’ll know what happens.

Lexi the traveler