After having some time off from my downtown office, I am back to work.
Yes, I do look dead. That is part of my work. No one suspects anything until they try to enter. Bwaaahaha!
I am Lexi, the possum playing schnauzer.
Back to work
Tag: dog
Freestyle dancing
I barked Mom into posting some pictures of when I last competed in Freestyle in 2012. She was very unclear with her signals, so I did a lot of what I wanted to do. Still, I was very excited about competing and taking third place. (No, Mom, I shouldn’t tell them there was only three dogs competing in that category!)
Here we are taking our opening bows. I am watching Mom for my first cue to get started dancing.
I am so excited!
Moving fast, isn’t my beard beautiful?
Here, I execute the under the leg weave as we keep moving forward.
I just made a turn by twirling around on my hind legs.
We are doing an Electric Slide move here to my left.
All done, and getting some loving.
When it’s just you and your Dad at home
I have a good life. It’s because I have everyone trained. I used to go to work with Mom only on Thursdays. Now I go to the church to work on Wednesdays and Fridays and to her other office on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I know my days and am always ready to go. We all stay home on the weekend, so that’s ok. On Mondays I stay home with my Dad. It took a while, but he is finally trained. He gets up very early and lets me out to do my potty. Then he feeds me, always adding the special topping to my kibble. I usually go back to bed for a few hours, then get up in time to pester Dad politely ask Dad to let me out and then to give me my mid-morning treat. A little later I join Dad for lunch and another trip outside. At 1:00 sharp Riley and I accompany Dad down the driveway to the mailbox and get our get-the-mail treat. If someone else has already brought up the mail, we still get our get-the-mail treat. It is only fair. At 3:00 I get my after-school-treat. I always remind Dad if he forgets. Of course I do not attend school, but The Boy does, and I think he gets out of school sometime around 3:00. That is a good time and reason to ask for a treat, as well as to go back out.
It is never too late in the day to practice dominance. Here is how to practice at bedtime with your dad:
I have also taught Dad about the “schnauzer portion.” No matter what he eats, I get a bite. That is, unless it is too spicy and will cause my tummy problems, then he “looks out for me.” That means I don’t get my schnauzer portion. Sometimes at lunch he forgets if he gave me my schnauzer portion and I get another one. I never admit to the first one – I always want more I wouldn’t want him to feel badly that he forgot.
At supper I sit at the table with Mom and Dad. Unlike on my birthday, I do not get my own plate. Mom usually gives me something, and Dad, as I said, is trained to give me the schnauzer portion. I think I have Mom trained too; if it looks like Dad is going to finish without sharing, Mom says, “Did you give Lexi her ‘schnauzer portion?’”
Some of my wonderful new friends get a bit stressed when their moms leave for work in the morning. I know it is because they have been abandoned earlier in their lives. Friends, I hope you see this and understand that your forever mom will be back, and until she returns, you have all day to work on training your dad. He will appreciate the closeness, the interaction, and knowing he is learning to do everything exactly how you want it done. Tip: Be sure the house is stocked with plenty of treats before you begin the training. Sometimes, he will even beg your mom to take you to work with her. I am sure it is so she can benefit from your training techniques as well. Either way, you win.
I am Lexi, the trainer.
Dogsitting
Mom was going to ground me from my Valentine’s Day date because I did something naughty at work on Thursday. Thanks to pleas from some of my friends, she changed her mind…and came up with a new punishment. Personally, I don’t think Moms should be allowed to punish their schnauzers. However, she said no one could arrest her for dog cruelty for what she did.
I have to dog-sit my schnauzer cousin Piper. That meant I couldn’t go to work with Mom on Friday. I thought about making my Dad suffer all day for what Mom did, but decided I would play it cool, hoping they would remove this punishment sooner. Nope, he’s still here. Piper was supposed to go home tonight, but now he’s not leaving until Monday night. He eats my food, sleeps in my bed, and snuggles with my Mom. And now Riley is acting like, “Hey Piper buddy, so glad you are back! Let’s play!” At least I get to visit with my Auntie Jen when she picks him up tomorrow night! And I still have my Valentine date with Noodle. Yea!!!
I am Lexi, the contrite schnauzer.
Double torture
I am looking at my Dad who is eating cake while Mom forces me to lay on my back as she combs the mats out of my beautiful hair. They are constantly finding crueler ways to torture me.
Stupid, stupid, stupid
The stupid Super Bowl is on. Before that the even stupider Puppy Bowl was on. Everyone is ignoring me. Good thing I saved my breakfast. I might not have been given any stupid dog food to ignore tonight. If that wasn’t bad enough, Mom gave me a bath. She spilled powdered sugar on my beautiful hair and it got all sticky. I got cold from the bath, so now I am wearing my stupid hoodie with the silver reflective strip down the back. I hate my hoodie. It’s not been a good day.
My Fortune
I learned that all the dogs (and cats) that Noodle nominated for a special award won. You win just by being nominated. I guess that’s ok, ’cause then no one feels bad about losing. I still don’t quite understand how we can all win, though. Mom says we are all winners because we are very good dogs and cats with loving homes. I think I will just go with that. Now I am supposed to nominate my furry friends for the award. I will try to think of other dogs – and cats – I know with blogs. Hmmm. This may take a while.
All this thinking has gotten my mind off of treats, and I have only gotten one today, my go to the mailbox treat.
Speaking of treats, I ate a Chinese fortune cookie and got a fortune. It said, “People enjoy having you around. Appreciate this.” That fortune must have been in that cookie especially for me. Inside my head I am smiling thinking about it. Now I have to go campaign for my supper.
I am Lexi, the fortunate.
P.S. My friend Noodle posted a picture of him looking so handsome that I had to add one of me looking extra-pretty. What do you think?
I won an award (again)
My new bestest blog friend Noodle nominated me for the Liebster Award, and I won! Yea! You can check out Noodles blog at Noodle4President: The Adventures of Noodle the Schnoodle.
Along with the award, I am required to answer some questions. Noodle also added questions for me to answer, so here goes:
With the nomination comes the duty of having to answer 11 questions.
1) What do you consider to be the best time of day: When I first wake up in the morning. Dad feeds me my breakfast with special toppings, then I get to go to work with Mom. I hardly ever get a bath in the morning.
2) Name your icon: LexiToto. It is my headshot from playing Toto in the Wizard of Oz. It is in the playbills and on posters.
3) Do you have a nemesis, if so who / what? Nope, everyone loves me.
4) If you could have a super power what would it be? X-ray vision. That way, I wouldn’t have to jump up and check out if someone was eating in another room.
5) Postman, love them or hate them? The only postman I ever met was at work at St. Paul’s. I used to bark at him, and he would just smile and pet me. So I guess I love them. They can’t be intimidated, and they are good petters.
6) What is your earliest memory ? Coming to my new home when I was 8 weeks old. The big German Shepherd Ara wanted to play and he was trying to run me down. I had to dive under chairs really fast to avoid being splattered.
7) How did you start writing a blog ? My Mom found Dogster and she started posting all the interesting things I was doing on it, beginning when I was two years old. Then Dogster got bought by someone else and they threatened to close all the blogs, so Mom made me a new blog just my own.
8) Social media, pleasure or bane of your life ? Pleasure. It makes me more famous, which might mean more treats.
9) What is the one thing you treasure above anything else ? That’s tough. I want to say steak, but that sounds self-serving. (I would love to self-serve some steak right now!) So I guess I would say bedtime when I crawl under the covers long enough to lick Mom’s stinky feet before surfacing for air. That’s when I have to jump out of bed and wash my mouth out with the fresh water in my bathroom water dish – no not the toilet!
10) Do you have a nickname if so what is it and why? Dad calls me Little One. Mom calls me Gorgeous Worgeous. My friend Gail calls me Lexipro and Lexicon. Sometimes I am referred to as The Lexter. I don’t know why, but I have learned to answer to them all in case someone is calling me to give me a treat.
11) What is your favourite past time? Acting on stage, then competitive dancing, also called Freestyle.
——————
6 Random Facts About Me:
1) I am 11. That’s not old.That’s 60 in people years. I bark at people who call me old.
2) I am big breasted. It is caused by a fatty tumor covering my entire chest area. I hear breasts are mostly fat anyhow.
3) I love to ride in the car and go boating on my pontoon.
4) I love to go the the children’s hospital to therapize the kids, parents and staff.
5) My new Kindle edition book just got published. It is called The Life and Times of a Thespian Schnauzer. It is about me.
6) I hate bananas. And most chips. I like pickles and most any other people food.
Now, here are Noodle’s questions and my answers:
1) What would you do if your parents brought home a new puppy?
I would wonder if they needed their heads examined. If they wanted to clean up pee and poop all over the house and listen to a lot of whining, they should have just told me so. I can be very accommodating.
2) If you could go anywhere, where would you go? Back on the stage at the Theatre Centre. It is where I am happiest.
3) What do you hope to accomplish with your blog?
Well, I had to set up an email account when I started my blog, and I hear you can get attachments on e-mail. I am hoping to get lots of treats attached…
4) If you went to the pet store, what is one thing you couldn’t leave without buying?
I saw a ferret I really wanted, but mom wouldn’t buy it for me. I heard her say something about me being a ratter.
5) What do you want to be when you grow up? If you are already a grown up, did you do what you wanted to do?
I didn’t know I wanted to be a therapy dog until I got to go into the kid’s hospital and make them smile. Now I smile the whole time I am there doing therapy, and they smile too. It’s my best trick. I am an actor, a therapy dog, an agility dog and a freestyle dog. Yep, I did what I wanted to do, and am still doing most of it.
6) What is your favorite animal? Me
7) How would you describe your personality? My motto is “Mine, now.” Even though I can be pretty self-serving, I really am sensitive to how people feel and try to make them feel better when they are sad. I am busy, as in, “Why walk when you can trot?” I am focused on whatever I do. I like to bark but understand when Mom tells me to be sweet.
8) If you could change one thing about your parents, what would you change? They would feed me more often and with their food.
9) Do you sleep in the bed with your parents, a crate, couch, or a doggy bed? I start out in my kennel. Then I get in bed with my folks. Then I sleep on the big ortho dog bed that used to belong to my sister Lily, who went to the rainbow bridge. Then I get back in bed with Mom and Dad. Sometimes I get back out and sleep on the rug. I move around a lot. I have homemade wooden doggie stairs right next to the bed, so it is easy to do. (I hope this wasn’t supposed to be a one-word answer. If so, the answer is crate-parents-doggiebed-rug.)
10) Do you play fetch? No, I play catch. I make up the rules, of course. Playing catch with the ball is good training for catching food, and that’s what’s important. Actually, once in a great while I will play fetch, but I only do it to make my Mom happy. If she throws the stick or ball more than once, I quit. I can only make her so happy, then her happiness is her own responsibility.
11) If you answered ‘yes’ to #10: Why would you play that silly game?! I just don’t understand it! If you answered ‘no’, is it because it makes no sense to you, too???
Nope, I’m not sick, but I did miss work today.
This is Tuesday. Mom was home yesterday because it was some sort of a holiday. But I know today is Tuesday, my first workday of the week. However, I got left at home. Something about Mom and a doctor appointment and she couldn’t take me. Then I heard what happened at work, and I feel avenged for being left.
Mom’s co-minion: “Where’s Lexi?”
Mom: “She stayed home today because I have a doctor appointment this afternoon.”
Co-minion: “Oh no! Is Lexi ok? Is she sick?”
Mom: “I can see where I stand.”
Two hours later the boss lady enters the building.
Boss lady: “Where’s Lexi?”
Mom: “She stayed home today because I have a doctor appointment this afternoon.”
Boss lady: ” “Oh no! Is Lexi ok? Is she sick?”
Mom: (Sigh) No, it’s me who has the doctor’s appointment.”
Boss lady: “Oh, I am so glad Lexi is okay.”
I am Lexi, the avenged
My Book is Published
Check out my Kindle book, “Life and Times of a Thespian Schnauzer.” It just got published. I’m famous. Again.
It was quiet around our house over the Christmas holiday so I had time to finish my book. I took some food breaks, of course. Here is a picture of me roasting marshmallows with my people brother Adam. Adam stayed at my house for a week. I love Adam. 
The Swing-Dancing Schnauzer
Things have been relatively quiet lately. No more frenetic drives to the theater. I didn’t even get to go to the children’s hospital in November because my special day fell on a holiday and the Lois lady wasn’t there to give me treats or to ask the children if they like dogs. The same thing is happening – or not happening, as the case may be – this month. Sigh. I bet the kids miss me.
I have been going to work with Mom more often. It can be tiring. I often sleep a lot, especially at her Tuesday and Thursday job. When I go to her church job on Wednesdays and Fridays there is too much to do for me to sleep. I have to visit with the lady next to Mom’s office. She needs to pet me a lot and always gives me treats. A pup has to stay awake for that, you know. I hear people walking around upstairs so I have to run up the stairs a lot to be sure someone isn’t getting something I’m not there isn’t a burglar. So far, so good. Then comes lunchtime and I have to run up to the secretary’s office and watch her eat. I never get much, but I am certain I will eventually wear her down. I heard Mom tell Dad she was leaving me home today, but he was on my side. He said he was too tired to deal with me today, and asked Mom to pleeeease take me. Thanks, Dad!
Last night I went to a local dance studio and helped teach dance again. I was so excited that I bunny-hopped all around the floor and kept yelling, “Hurray!” Mom finally told me to stop barking. I didn’t recognize her at first, but the student was a girl from when we used to teach dance in Dunlap many years ago. She is all grown up now and was there with her boyfriend. I remembered to watch them very closely and bark when they didn’t do something right and bark again when they did. I know, I used to only bark when something wasn’t right, but I have decided that people need encouragement for a good job. Savannah remembered me, and laughed and smiled and said what a good girl I am. Every time Dad walked off the dance floor, I ran over and stood on my hind legs to dance with Mom. Then the music would stop. It’s no fun to dance without music. I got pretty disgusted with that and laid down in front of the door so that no one could leave until I got to dance, too. Mommy finally scolded Dad and told him to let me dance to the music before he turned it off. I didn’t dance very long because it is harder to stand up on my hind legs than it used to be, but I did a very good job with the Swing. I had so much fun!
I am Lexi, the Swing-dancing Schnauzer
Video Star
I, Lexi, now star in my very own video on You Tube. My Dad made the video. It is inspirational, as well as very good because, well, because I am the star.
We are very sad to inform you that Lexi passed on September 4, 2016 at the age of 13. She was the originator of this blog, and has left big pawprints to fill. Xena, Lucy and Chia are doing their best to make her proud.
I am back from Oz
I am back from Oz, and Kansas too, for that matter. I understood that Saturday night was my last performance – maybe forever – so I gave it my all. Everyone loves loved loves me. I am still the star. I never really bonded with Grayson, the pretend Dorothy, but she was good for treats. Speaking of treats, all my baked pumpkin treats and all the cheese sticks are gone. How sad.
My kennel is back in my closet at home. Once again, my Toto groom has given way to my Schnauzer groom. T
he insides of my ears are irritated from being shaved and I keep shaking my head. I heard someone ask about a cast party. I sure hope the cast all still recognize me groomed like this. That’s ok, I will remind them who I am, the Toto.
I know my Dad is still sad about losing Lily. I’ve been sitting on his lap more and even sleeping in the bed more. I don’t want him to start thinking about getting another dog.
Last night I dreamed I was on the stage again. It was my favorite part, the very first scene. I ran out to Grayson aka Dorothy, and the audience all said, “Awwwwww.” My legs were running so fast that I think I woke up Mom. I know I woke up me.
Today, Dad set up a funny-looking black box downstairs, right where Mom comes in the door from the garage. Then he put a beautiful treat on a real people plate on the top step, just before the door to our living area. He showed me so that I would know where to find it when someone came along and opened up the door. I was hoping real hard that Riley didn’t get it first. Dad heard the garage door open the same time as I did, right when Mom should be home from work. He grabbed me up, turned on the music, and ran down the hall into the bedroom with me. Suddenly I heard the soul-filling music of Over the Rainbow. I started to shake uncontrollably. The door opened, Dad put me down, and I ran down the hall to my Mom – and ate the treat. Maybe I’m back in Kansas, after all.
Lily’s Gone
Last week was a sad week around home. My sister Lily was dying. I could tell. Even Riley knew. He came up to my Dad’s office where Lily was lying on her bed. After he smelled her for a while he laid down on Lily’s bed next to her. He never lies down next to her or me. Maybe he isn’t such a bad sort after all. Dad had us all say goodbye to Lily before he took her back to her other home to be with her mom. He has never done that before.
It hasn’t been long since I last saw my schnauzer buddy Milo. He was terribly sick, and after he went back home with him mom, he had to be “put to sleep.” I hate those words. I know I will never see Milo again. My Auntie Jen has been so sad.
I stayed home with Dad yesterday when Mom went to the church to work. That’s how I know he got a phone call that made him cry. Today I am at the office sleeping working with Mom. Dad said he wanted to be alone. No one told me this, but I don’t think Lily is coming back. I have been through this before, and I am beginning to understand. I hate when everyone is so sad.
The Temperamental Thespian Schnauzer
Weekend two of the play is over. Friday night my people brothers and Jentry and the boy came to watch me perform. I wish Riley had come too. He could have seen how it is done – not that he could ever do it. Nobody told me I was going to have to perform two times on Saturday. That’s just too much. At the second show I got through the first two scenes – my favorites – where I run out onto the stage to Grayson. Then I wanted to go home. I was tired and hungry and the treats weren’t coming fast enough. Mom was trying to make one cheese stick last through two performances. That’s not right, it’s a cheat. And it is me who is being cheated. So I ran off the stage every chance I got. Mom got mad at me, but I don’t care. What are they going to do, fire me? I don’t think so. They will never find another Toto as good as me, especially on such short notice – or ever! I have rested and am ready now to be on stage again this weekend. I am Lexi, the temperamental thespian schnauzer.
My Thoughts on Being Toto
I am back!
Everyone still says, “Ahhhhh” the first time I run out onto the stage.
I like Grayson, who plays the part of Dorothy. She is the keeper of the treats.
I like the Lion – no one has told me his name. He is soft and I am comfy when he holds me.
I like the flying monkey. He isn’t used to dogs, but he loves me and I am sweet to him so he will know that dogs are good. I have to be reminded to run when he puts me down. Grayson yells, “Run, Toto, run!” and Mommy is in the wings waving a cheese stick for me to come eat. That helps me remember.
I like the wicked witch. We remember each other from last time. She gave me a present, some bling for my collar. I like bling.
The trees do not scare me this time.
I have to remember to stay away from the edge of the stage where it drops way down into the music pit. I can feel Mommy’s fear every time I get too close to it. Sometimes Grayson calls to me when I get too close.
I am doing a good job. Everyone says so. Once in a while I run off stage to my Mom so she can tell me I am doing a good job. I need that reassurance at times.
I am Toto. Hear me bark.
Wizard Weekend
Rehearsals are over. Every night for a week we didn’t get home and in bed until eleven o’clock. Mom and I were exhausted. We were barely getting to work the next day. And there was too much to do for us to sleep at work. Our schedule was get up, eat breakfast (me), go to work, eat lunch (Mom), starve the schnauzer, go to the theater, rehearse and get treats (me), go home, get a treat (me) and go to bed. Over and over again. I lost a whole pound.
The first weekend of the Wizard of Oz is history. I am a star. Of course. Again. On opening night, those munchkins kept getting in my way. They started dancing as I was entering from stage right and almost danced me right off the front of the stage. Now that would have been an opening night to remember! It shook me up. I wasn’t myself the rest of the night. The next night Mom adjusted my entrance to be from stage left. It is working much better.
After my bows, I greeted the audience in the lobby. No one brought me any treats. Saturday night my Dad was there and he held me while everyone pet me and asked if I was his dog. He had the honor of saying yes. I was really tired from my performance so I laid quietly in his arms. However, when he put me down, I tried to go down the hall to where I could smell the Mexican food from some other event that was happening there. I am never too tired for food.
I am Lexi, the Thespian Schnauzer.
Rehearsals
Rehearsals have been long and tiring. I can’t wait until I have an audience. That and the treats – those are the pay-offs.
Weigh-in
August 21, 2014
The scale came out this morning. I am two pounds heavier than last time. The magic kibble isn’t working. Mom doesn’t understand how I could weigh more. I’m not telling.
Lexi, the plus-size schnauzer
Losing weight with magic kibble
August 5, 2014
I went to the doctor in May. I always go in May, the same month as my birthday. I think it must be a rule that you have to go for your yearly exam in the month you were born. Last year it was right on my birthday. This year, after, he poked and prodded and stuck me with needles, he declared I was overweight by three or four pounds. I think this is what is commonly called adding insult to injury.
So now Mom is saying things like, “I feel sorry for your new Dorothy if she has to carry you.” And, “I think you are panting because you weigh too much.” No, Mom. I am panting because it is 90 degrees outside and my hair is getting long so I can be Toto. That is what dogs do when they are hot, they pant.
I bet you know what happened next. That’s ok, I am going to tell you anyhow. I am on a cruel diet. Dad always feeds me in the morning before Mom gets out of bed, so I am ok there. I have begun to gobble down my breakfast so Mom doesn’t get up and take it away. It has the good canned stuff in it. Then there is my supper. Mom always feeds me my supper. She used to put the good canned stuff in it along with some kibble. Now she doesn’t even put food in my food dish. My poor lonely food dish. My poor lonely tummy.
Do you know what I have to do now to get food in the evening? I have to push a treat ball around the floor and scarf up the kibble that falls out of it. Normally I would turn my nose up at plain kibble, but I think there is something – maybe magic – in the treat ball that turns it into treats. Last night I was almost done when Riley showed up and took my ball away from me. He pushed it with his big dufus T-Rex nose until the last of the magic kibble fell out and he ate it. That was my magic kibble dinner. I am Lexi, the magic kibble dog.
Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess with Lucy and Chia 