Friday I was the official garage sale pup. Since my dear friend Mr. Purrince Henry taught me how to count, I was able to help Mommy know what number to put on the stickers with that funny $ in front of them. 
The first thing to sell 87 minutes before the sale even opened was Santa Claus. 
Nothing else in this picture sold at all today, but lots of other stuff we don’t have pictures for did. I laid sweetly in Mommy’s lap and let everyone pet me. I was what is called the PR Dog. I even helped Mommy get a new dog to groom, a Bishon Frise. The nice man is going to make an appointment because the last place he took Max – Max is his dog’s name – they cut all the hair off his tail. I don’t see the problem, but if it gets Mommy a new dog to groom, that’s good.
I got rewarded with blueberries. When Mommy closed the box, I pushed it all over the driveway, but couldn’t get it opened. 
Mommy said I had to do a little more work for pay, so we worked on my newest Agility Won exercises. I had to sit still and not get up or scoot while Mommy walked away from me (with the blueberries), then walked back right past me, circling around my tail end, and then around to my front. I moved my head to follow her, but that’s all, just like I was supposed to do. Mommy said I was a very good girl and I got more blueberries. Not too many, though, ’cause too many gives me the squirts…blue squirts.
There was so much stuff left that we are going to do it all again Saturday. My peeps brother Adam is going to help while Mommy grooms three dogs.
That reminds me, but I am going to whisper so Mommy doesn’t hear me telling you. Last Sunday she was sitting in the window chair in the front room and started feeling something stinging her back. It got her really good, and around on her belly too. When she lifted her shirt, a fire ant dropped, and she thought it fell into her pants. So right there she stripped off all… oh never mind, Lucy is making the cut motion with her paw. Anyhow, Slider and Peyton came to get groomed, and even though the bites were swollen up like lakes, she went downstairs to groom them. Pretty soon she used her phone to call Daddy who was upstairs and told him she needed benadryl right away, and being a good Daddy he put down his work and brought her some. A little while later, after Slider had his bath and she had cut Peyton’s nails, she lifted Peyton off the table and Mommy laid down on the floor because she was starting to faint. She managed to get Daddy on the phone again, and he came down and took her to the medi-clinic place. (Side note: Mommy managed to call the pups’ Mom and left the door unlocked so she could come get them.) She was able to get up and get in the car and laid the seat back. Gross alert! She was mostly almost-fainted on the way there, even when she started to throw up. Since she was laying back and almost fainted, she also mostly missed the bag, and there was a big puddle in her lap. Now here is the My Daddy is a Hero part. He didn’t faint and he didn’t puke. Instead, he got her to the doctor’s. In the parking lot he took off his shirt, pulled an old pair of his jeans from the trunk, and helped her get changed into his clothes in the car so she could go into the doctor place – looking like a homeless person. Then he drove home and got dressed and brought Mommy clothes to change into. Don’t I have the bestest Daddy is the whole world? Oh yeah, Lucy said I should tell you Mommy was fine after that. She was feeling so much better that she said her usual No! when the doctor tried to give her prednisone, he, he. So anyhow, Slider and Peyton are coming back tomorrow to get groomed.
OK, OK, I know this is getting long and there’s no pictures, so you can stop reading if you want, but I have more to whisper to you. Two days later Mommy took us back to the dog park. She was loading the poop bag dispenser with plastic bags from home when something bit or stung the top of her hand. At first it hurt a lot and then redness started spreading all over her hand and wrist. She still stayed and let us play – which wasn’t as much fun ’cause there were hardly any other dogs there – and took another bennie when we got home. Whoops, Lucy said I should say benadryl so you don’t think Mommy is a drug addict or something like that. Anyhow, within a couple of hours, her hand and wrist were swollen up like a fat glove. You couldn’t even see any of the wrinkle in it. Shhh, don’t tell her I said that! She couldn’t even make a fist or hold onto stuff. The next day the redness had creeped up her arm, so she made the decision to go back to the same medi place. This time she accepted a shot of steroids in one hip and a shot of antie biotics in the other hip ’cause the doc said she had both inflammation and infection. It took until Friday for her hand to look normal again, and she is taking antie biotics and preds and probiotics and eating lots of yummy yogurt, even though nothing tastes good now. She’s not sleeping much but she is peeing a lot and hungry all the time. Maybe that’s why she doesn’t like the medicine. Although I am hungry all the time without any medicine. Lucy just mentioned that this is turning into a novel, so I should say goodbye now.
Oh, and could you please just say something in the comments about me helping with the yard sale and not this part about Mommy ’cause I don’t want her to know I told you. ‘K?
Xena the Garage Selling Schnauzer Warrior Princess
Xena: Yep, he knew not to mess with me. It was a lot of fun to run with you and the other big dogs, though. And today I got to rule over Gracy, the Pyrenees mix.
stay on the porch – or the little dog side of the park.
She’s my new BFF. Sometimes I hear noises so I look out in the yard to see if she has come to visit, but it is always a bird or a squirrel or a rabbit. Occasionally, a cat has the nerve to cross through my property without permission! I always let Mom know when that happens.
Mom hasn’t been going to work at all, so Xena and I have been getting more walks around the neighbor-hood. Sometimes we see people on our walks and I start to wiggle all over. Mom explains that I love people and asks them if they would pet me. They always say yes, and I get to make new friends. When the X dog stops barking her fool head off, they sometimes pet her too. Back home, Mom takes off our leashes and let us run zoomies in the front yard. I guess we aren’t grounded anymore. (So does that mean h-e-double hockey sticks froze over?)
We are not engaged. He is not even my boyfriend.
He didn’t look so big from up here in my Daddy’s arms. Really, all I could think about was why my dinner was so late.
Did Lucy bribe you to keep my cornered here? You’d better move along before me and my shadow go all schnauzer warrior princess on you.
Yes, it’s me, Xena the Schnauzer Warrior Princess, and I’ll warrior all over you if you don’t get your nose out of my bee hind.
Now what do you want, big dog? No, I won’t be your girlfriend.
You promise to stop bugging me if I what?! Well, OK, maybe just one quick kiss.
That was a mistake, ’cause then what I think I overheard Achilles say to my Daddy was, “Mr. Jeff, can I marry your daughter, the little one, the pretty one?” 
After Daddy said no, Achilles settled for a taste of Daddy’s coffee.
Mommy, do we really have to leave now? When can we come back and visit our new cousins?
Mommy and me, we aren’t working at the St. Luke church anymore. We went from 3 days to 2 days to 0 days. You can see I was always busy there; never a boring minute. We took my ‘puter home with us (you can see a little of it just behind my bed) and I am still waiting on the IT people to set it up for me at home. 
Me busy at work
So here I am without a job. Sometimes I get so bored I count the flowers on the blanket. Yep, my Guardian Angel Lexi is teaching me how to count. So far I can count one plus one plus one. I think that comes to one.
Sometimes we watch Netflix shows together. Last week I saw this huge animal on the TV and I barked and barked at it. I found out it is called a horse. The rest of the afternoon, I barked at the TV every time I walked past it, just in case that horse was still there. I wanted it to know I am a brave Schnauzer Princess Warrior. I think I scared it away, too.
Sometime I play with my bones and bully horn. I chew them and I throw them and push them all over the house. It makes tons of wonderful noise. The only problem is I won’t be able to hear the horse coming because of all the noise. Mommy says that’s ok, she can’t hear anything, either, when I am doing that.
Will someone please find Xena a job? ~Lucy
I am Xena the *yawn* Bored Schnauzer Princess Warrior
What chair? Oh, that chair. 
Well, you see, Mommy, I was just sitting here minding my own business and it just kinda’ exploded. There’s Ludwig. He was watching from the top of the Victrola. Ask him!
And some of it over there.
It’s so boring wearing the cone without ice cream. I was just thinking about how much fun I had at my pre-agility class. Remember the V-ramp that I loved – just like Angel Lexi said I would? Look at my legs-I was running so fast they were just a blur.
I hope my boo boo heals up fast so that I don’t have to wear the cone without ice cream when I go to my very first Agility Won class in a couple of weeks.
Do you remember when Mommy and I almost died in an almost car wreck? And then I was 
Hey Mommy, where are we going?
Dr. Smith said the same thing you did about my ears being super dooper clean. I wish my favorite vet, Dr. Karen, had been there. Thanks for stopping the helper lady from putting that glass stick up my butt.
Xena: Hmm, let me think. I know! You are thankful that I am so beautiful!
And that I’m beautiful, right?
I never did understand what I am supposed to do with these squishy discs. I guess that might be ’cause Mommy didn’t know, either, BOL!
and turn around and run back up (and down) it. I was like that speedy guy from Marvel – I think his name is Speedy, or maybe Flash – yep, that’s it, Flash.
I am Xena the Future Agility Champion
I had the bestest birthday I ever had. Of course it was the only one I ever had. On the way home from work, we stopped at the Smart Pet place. After looking around, we went home with yummy treats for me.
When we got home, there were all my stuffie friends, including Ludwig, in the kitchen with bags of pressies for me. Winter bear got tired and fell asleep while he was waiting for me to get home, so he missed me opening my pressies. 
This pink bag had a lot of bouncy yellow foam balls that Mommy will throw for me. I love to play fetch with balls, and I’m even getting better at catching them with my mouth and my paws.
The flower bag had yummy flavored bones in it – I had to share one of them with Lucy. 
Mommy let us chew on them for a while before dinner, but when she saw how quickly we chewed them apart, she took them away from us and fed them to that bad old can that’s under the sink. I hate that can. It gets lots of stuff I could eat! 
She ate so fast that she made all these disgusting piggy noises (sorry, Bacon). 
We got our desserts after we finished our meal and had licked our plate and bowl clean. You can see we both dug into the yogurt first.
Of course I hadn’t. I didn’t really know about birthdays. Mommy went on to explain that one year ago I was born on June 21. So this Thursday, I will be one year old, and I will get presents and we will celebrate my life.
I always get great food – I mean, chicken or steak or fish every night! As well as chickie feet and liver and gizzards and green tripe and fresh veggies and fruit and sauerkraut and coconut oil. What more could a pup ask for in their dish?
Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess with Lucy and Chia 