Xena: Why does Mommy keep closing the patio door?
Lucy: I heard her say something about mosquitoes. But I have to go potty.
Xena: Good thing I’m mechanical, like Mommy always says.
I’m Xena, the Mechanically Inclined Schnauzer Warrior Princess
Category: Xena
Bedtime
Lucy: We don’t get to spend much time with our Dad, so at bedtime, we like to cuddle with him. We both love to get our bellies scratched. And our necks, and ears, and faces, and backs, and…
Xena: Put the camera away Mommy. This is my special time with my Daddy. You know I’m going to jump out of the bed soon and get in Lucy’s bed before you tell her to “get down.”
Lucy: Take as many pictures as you want, Mom. Just so I get to stay in the bed. Oh, and nobody ever tells me to “get down,” Xena. They just kiss and say, “I love you,” and “I love you too,” and then it’s time for me to go to my bed.
Xena: Uh huh. That’s when Daddy calls me over to pet me one last time before he turns off the light. He must love to pet me.
Lucy: Thanks for getting out of my bed, Xena. Goodnight, I love you.
Xena: Goodnight, Lucy, I love you too.
The Home Line-Up
Maybe you saw the post where I told you about lining up my stuffies at work. Well, I like to keep things in order at home, too.
Here is Tiger, Rainbow Bear, Brownie Bear, and the almost dead alligator that used to be Riley’s. I thought it was all dead, then one day, when I was playing in my kennel, I found it laying across my back. I’m keeping it because the squeaker still works. Everyone is lined up nice and neat waiting to go outside to play. After I carried everyone out and laid them down in a neat line, I closed my kennel door so no one would run back inside.
Everyone ready? Tiger, turn around. OK, Mom, open the door so we can all go outside and play. Man, sometimes I feel like I am running my own daycare, just like they do at work.
I am Xena, the Schnauzer (Warrior) Princess
We’re Not Water Breeds
Why does Mom think either one of us is part lab or even Goldens, like Bonnie, Belle and Bessie over at Three Pups and a Couple of Kittens. They love their new pool!
You don’t see the part where Mom “helped” me into the pool. I just kept on going, right out the other side.
Mom was able to get a full refund.
Love and wiggles, a (still) dry Lucy
The Lineup
At work, I like everything to be “just-so,” in it’s place. I think I am just like my Mommy. She likes everything “just-so” on her desk, too. I often take my stuffies and other toys into the hallway to play with them. (Mommy doesn’t do that with her boring desk stuff.)
You can see I have everyone lined up nice and neat. Closest to me is Blue Bone, then Little Bunny, then Brownie Bear, then Hedgehog, then Rope Toy. I carry them out here one at a time and carefully place each one next in line.
Now it is time to play and visit with my friends.
So Brownie, this is what that other dog named Mallie did to me. What? You don’t like it either? I know! It is so rude. Miss Beth said she won’t bring Mallie here anymore on Thursdays, but she might bring her on Mondays when we are here. I heard her and Mommy talking about us getting to be friends. I guess that would be OK – as long as she keeps her nose away from my bee-hind.
Sometimes when I get sleepy I invite one of my stuffies to come back in the office from the hallway to join me for a nap. Today it was Brownie Bear, after I promised to not stick my nose you-now-where anymore.
Sweetheart was already napping in my bed. *yawn* (He, he, I made Mommy yawn, too. I told you we are just alike.)
I am Xena the Schnauzer Warrior Princess with my Stuffies
Amusement Park Fun
Memorial Day is an American holiday, observed on the last Monday of May, honoring the men and women who died while serving in the U.S. military. Originally known as Decoration Day, it originated in the years following the Civil War and became an official federal holiday in 1971.
It is often celebrated with outdoor barbecues, picnics, family get-togethers and doing fun things out of doors, often heralding the beginning of summer. Xena and Lucy have joined in the blogville BBQ at the amusement park today, and have their dessert already picked out. Let’s hope they don’t get upset tummies, since they definitely don’t get this kinda stuff at home! Wishing everyone a good and safe holiday.
Lucy: Hey Xena, we better hurry up. I am the official greeter for the Diva Slippers Band and aren’t you playing your accordion?
Xena: Yep, I left it over where we are playing. Maybe we better come back later for our candy.
Both: Nah!
Now hop on over to Mayor Arty’s blog to join everyone as we celebrate the day we honor our brave veterans.
I’m a S.T.A.R. Puppy!
Mommy and me I have been going to my first puppy class for the past six Thursday nights. I’m telling you, it made for an exhausting day. First we went to the church and worked all day. Then Mommy had to find something to do for an hour or two and ended up going to Sonic or McDonald’s where I got to sit in the car with her and watch her eat.
S.T.A.R. is the name of the class S=Socialization; T=Training; A=Activity; R=Responsibility. I think this might mean I am a T.rained S.ocialist and a R.esponsible A.ctivist. Now Mommy is shaking her head no, no, no.
All us pups had to pay close attention to the teacher. 
Sweetheart Bear went with me one night. She was very impressed and couldn’t believe everything I had to do at class.
We all had to walk clear around the classroom practicing walking loose on a leash, sitting, laying down, and walking past each other without reacting. I did really good. In fact, Mommy said I was the best one there! *big wiggle and smile*
Well, at least I learned “down,” and to walk next to Mommy while we are in the class and she has treats in her hand.
Mommy got pictures of a couple of my classmates. 
This funny-looking puppy sat next to me the first night we were there. He was what Mommy calls hyper. We didn’t get to be friends.
This is Amber, the Afghan Hound puppy.
She and her folks sat on the other side of us the first night, and from then on we always sat together during class. She tried sticking her biglongnose into my bee-hind, but she stopped once I ‘splained to her that I did not like that and don’t do it again. Do you see her front-hook halter? It’s just like Lucy’s. Mommy ‘splained to her Mom and Pop how good those are, and they got her one. They said it is like magic, te, he.
Last night I graduated! I had to take a test, and I did really, really good. I got a certificate with my name and Mommy’s and Daddy’s name on it. I don’t know why they put Daddy’s name on it since he never ever came to class. Maybe they were just being nice and didn’t want him to feel left out. Mommy gave me more treats, too!
Next month me and Mommy Mommy and I will start six weeks of the Tips and Techniques class. If I Mommy does good there, we will go on to Agility Won. Yep, I want to win at agility two! Hmm, Mom is shaking her head no, no, no again. He, he, Mommy, I’m just joking. (But we really are going to take an Agility Class, too!)
I am Xena the S.T.A.R. Schnauzer Princess Warrior
Antsy
I still like ants. I think they are fun to catch, and don’t taste bad at all. Mommy says they are free protein, and laughs. 
I am outside at lunchtime with Mommy. I look to my right and don’t see any ants.
I look to my left and…wait, what’s that scurrying away from me?
Got one!
I had some red cabbage with my ants for lunch.
I am Xena the Schnauzer Ant-Eating Princess
Grounded Again
Lucy: Mom says we really went and did it this time.
Xena: Yep, but that was only after she could talk again.
Lucy: I thought I saw her head spin clear around, she was so mad.
Xena: I think she was spitting venom while her eyes rolled back.
Lucy: And fire was shooting out of her nose. That’s why I stayed up in the chair and tried to look innocent.
Xena: I just hid in the corner of my kennel until she slammed the house door and left.
Lucy: Here’s what happened. Last week we got to run outside in the front yard every day. It was so much fun!
Can you see how fast we ran? We played bitey-face, too.
Xena: It was great until Mommy got another part-time job, one where I can’t go with her. So now I only get to go on Mondays and Thursdays, and have to stay in my kennel the rest of the days when she is gone to work. That started the middle of last week, and that’s the morning this all happened…before she went for her first day at this job-without-me. She must have been mad about having to go to another job.
Lucy: Mmm, I don’t think so, Xena. I think it’s ’cause we ran off into the woods by the house instead of staying in the front yard with her. Then we didn’t come back when she called us.
Xena: No, Lucy. You ran off. I just followed you. Then there was so much to smell on the ground, I didn’t hear her calling. Mommy says us schnauzers go nose deaf.
Lucy: Whatever, Xena. The point is, we were both off in the woods where Mom could hear us but mostly not see us and she said there’s poison ivy back there, too. And she thought she was going to be late to work on her first day because we wouldn’t listen to her.
Xena: I went back to her. But then I thought I had better go get you and ran off again. It’s probably all your fault.
Lucy: Mom said we had better keep these pictures where we can see them, ’cause that’s the closest we are getting to running around loose out front again until her life on this earth is over. That was after she said some HBO words.
Xena: Look, Lucy, I can run as fast as you! I run so fast the hair on my face blows back into my eyes.
Lucy: Hmm. Maybe we can use that as an excuse. We were running so fast that we couldn’t see we weren’t in the yard anymore.
Mom: Forget it, girls. You are so totally grounded.
We are Lucy and Xena, the GroundeduntilH*llfreezesoverand-thereisnomorelifeleftonearthGirls
Feelings
Miss Beth is was is my favorite person at work. I have always felt happy when she came to see me. Now she has replaced me with a dog she adopted to live with her. The dog’s name is Mallie. Me and Mallie almost got in a fight the first time she came into my office. Sure, sure, we met outside, where there’s lots of room to walk around and not feel so much “with” the other dog. When we went inside she did something really gross. She stuck her nose under my tail and sniffed my bee-hind. I jumped around to face her and growled. She wagged her tail, like, yeah, growl all you want, I still got to stick my nose up your bee-hind. I was angry. Next thing I knew, Mallie growled and jumped at me. That really scared me. After those feelings passed, I felt sad. Have I lost my Beth?
The next time Mallie came to my office, we pretty much ignored each other. And I ignored Miss Beth. I felt hurt and disappointed. 
Then Miss Beth came in without Mallie and stayed for a few hours. I wondered if she sent Mallie back to wherever she found her. I felt happy and gave Miss Beth a lot of attention.
Mommy explained to me that Miss Beth had rescued Mallie from a bad place that made her have puppies over and over again. She said I should try to be more understanding and loving and to try harder to get along with her. Now I feel kinda guilty. I still don’t want Mallie here, but I know I should try harder to be her friend. I feel really conflicted.
What do you do when this kind of thing happens?
I am Xena, the Confused Schnauzer (Warrior) Princess
Sweetheart Bear Goes on Vacation
Mom and Dad went on a weekend vacation without us. Mom said she meant to leave Sweetheart at home with us, but that naughty bear hid in the back seat of the car behind the cooler. They’re back, and I’m going to make Sweetheart tell me where they went and what happened while they were there.
She ‘fessed up right away. They drove to a big cabin in the woods and slept late ’cause we weren’t there to get them up. Daddy cooked all their meals and made lots of good drinks that we aren’t old enough to drink. They were sweet and some even had ice cream in them.
Mommy made a dump cake for dessert and they broke their “no sugar” rule all weekend!
Sweetheart visited with the bear living in the children’s room. 
Her new friend read a Dr. Seuss book to her. It is called Oh, the Places You’ll Go!
I don’t know how she got up so high to explore the big shelf in the living room.
Daddy had to help her get down, so she stayed with him while he took a little chair nap.
Then she went upstairs to Mommy and Daddy’s bedroom and took a little bed nap herself. She said there were three beds, and this is one was ju-u-ust right.
When she woke up, she sat at the bottom of the bed looking out the window at all the trees and listening to the noisy, bubbling creek down below. 
She wondered if there were any big black bears in those woods.
When she went out to check for bears she found a gnome who is related to the gnomes at Rock City. He played Sweetheart a little tune.
Then he asked her to give his kinfolk his love when she goes to Rocktober Fest this year with me, Xena. Hmm, I wonder why she thinks she is going to get to go with me.
Lucy: Sweetheart had a wonderful time on vacation, and she wants me to ask if you are done forcing her to ‘fess up.
Yep. I’m done. And I don’t think we should tell the folks about how much fun we had with our sitter, Miss Christy. How ’bout if we just let them feel bad that they deserted us. After all, we are a happy pack again.
Love and wiggles from Lucy and screams of joy from the schnauzer warrior princess Xena
Keeping Xena Safe
When Xena sleeps at work, Brownie Bear and I, Ludwig guard her so no harm can come to her. 
Sometimes she rests in the Mommy’s lap. 
The Mommy also keeps her safe. We all love our Xena.
I am Ludwig.
What I Saw Lucy Doing
Look what I saw Lucy doing:
She’s DROOLING! Then she sucked it back up into her mouth! E-ewww.
And again, on our first time at the dog park:
Ha, ha, ha, caught you, Lucy.
Lucy: Sometimes I don’t like you very much, Xena. You need to try to be nicer.
I am Xena the Schnauzer Warrior Princess with the Grossly Drooling Sister
Puppy Class Fears
Ludwig here. I have been visiting with my new friends at Xena’s home. It has become my weekend retreat.
Xena started going to her first puppy class last week. The Mommy bought these training treats that are as close to her raw diet as she could find. Xena seemed super excited about the treats, but not so much the class. 
She told us all – and I mean all – about it. She droned on about how afraid she was of the other dogs and the huge room they were in. She hid under the chair where the Mommy was sitting and shook. She may be a schnauzer and a princess, but she sure isn’t a warrior. 
As I was drifting off, I could still hear her woofing about the puppies who were so much bigger than her, and about the teacher who would take them away from their Mommies to demonstrate training techniques. And about how she was afraid the lady would try to take her from her Mommy, and she thought she would die of fear. Rainbow fell asleep before I did. I don’t know if Winter was awake or sleeping with his eyes open. We can all do that, you know. 
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Xena: Mommy! Are you ready to go to puppy class? Are you bringing those treats with us again? Is it time to go?
I am Xena, the Schnauzer Princess Warrior!
Co-Authoring Hodge Podge
Xena: Lucy and I decided to try to write something together, as co-authors. You know, like Stephen King and Dean Koontz. Yep, that’s us; I’ll be King and Lucy can have Koontzies, he, he, he.
Lucy: Xena, sometimes you just give me a headache.
Xena: Did you know Mommy went and paid to have her boobies squished? I try to do that for free for her every morning when I catch her laying on her back, but all she does is groan and turn over. Sheesh. I’ll try again tomorrow to see if she has suddenly decided she likes it. Just like she keeps putting coconut oil in my food bowl to see if I changed my mind about eating it. I bet her answer will be the same as mine.
Lucy: Maybe that’s why Mom rubbed the coconut oil all over you, since you won’t eat it.
Xena: Not that it did me any good with you licking it all off of me. I couldn’t get away from you, and the folks were laughing too hard to help me.
Lucy: I heard Mom say now you know what it feels like when you lick off all the lotion she puts on her hands or legs.
Xena: Yeah, well…I like my new kennel. It’s right by the back door window so I can look outside whenever I want. And you can’t bother me or take my stuff. It’s my safe place. 
Lucy: You mean so you can take my stuff! I could come in there if I wanted to…I just don’t want to. *harumph* And oh yeah, I almost forgot. You go brain-dead when you’re near that kennel.
Xena: Do not, Lucy the Koontzie!
Lucy: Do too! You were playing in your kennel when Dad got home the other night and you went crazy, jumping up and down with your pogo stick legs, and screaming for him to get you out. You forgot the door was open!
Xena: Well, I…
Lucy: Oh, oh, and what about last week when the kennel door was open and you were digging at the side to try to get Brownie Bear out? All you had to do was walk in and get him!
Xena: Hey, can anyone guess what’s all over my face? Clue: I just ate lunch.
It’s in my mouth, too, he, he. OK, here’s a better picture…
Did you guess white wall paper? If so, you’re wrong! Ha, ha, ha. Did you guess egg shell? Yes! Mommy got some farm-fresh eggs at the farmers market over the weekend. If you guessed right, you won an all-expense paid trip to…
Lucy: Xena! Stop! You can’t promise something that you can’t deliver!
Xena: I’m not delivering, silly Lucy with Koontzies. They have to go there themselves.
Lucy: This headache is getting worse. I’m going to put on my happy face, pretend I didn’t hear that, and sing everyone a song, just like you did, Xena *whispers* only better.
Is everyone ready? (Oh, I’m a bit nervous.) Here we go. All y’all can sing along if you want.
(Warning: turn down your sound)
I come home in the morning light
My mother says when you gonna live your life right
Oh mother dear we’re not the fortunate ones
And girls they wanna have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun
My mother says when you gonna live your life right
Oh mother dear we’re not the fortunate ones
And girls they wanna have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun
The phone rings in the middle of the night
My father yells what you gonna do with your life
Oh daddy dear you know you’re still number one
But girls they wanna have fun
Oh girls just want to have
My father yells what you gonna do with your life
Oh daddy dear you know you’re still number one
But girls they wanna have fun
Oh girls just want to have
That’s all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Oh girls, they wanna have fun
Oh girls just wantna have fun (girls and boys wanna have fun, girls wanna have)
Some fun
When the working day is done
Oh girls, they wanna have fun
Oh girls just wantna have fun (girls and boys wanna have fun, girls wanna have)
Some boys take a beautiful girl
And hide her away from the rest of the world
I want to be the one to walk in the sun
Oh girls they wanna have fun
Oh girls just wanna have
And hide her away from the rest of the world
I want to be the one to walk in the sun
Oh girls they wanna have fun
Oh girls just wanna have
That’s all they really want
Some fun…
Some fun…
We are Xena and Lucy (and I don’t have Koontzies)
Not Looking at You Wednesday
I won’t look at you today!
Not in the pansies,
not if you ask.
Not by the bushes,
not in the grass.
All this not looking
is a tiresome task!
I am Xena, the Not Looking at You Today Schnauzer Warrior Princess.
Anteater
As I was taking a nice, relaxed lunch in the sunshine, I saw movement around my feet…
…and wondered what that little scurrying thing would taste like.
It ran away, but there were more, probably it’s sisters and brothers and aunts and uncles and friends. “What a fun game,” I thought, “to try to see how many I can catch.” It wasn’t too hard, and once I got them in my mouth it was just easier to swallow them than to try to spit them out.
Ohh, I think I’ve had enough little black ants for one day. It feels like they are still running around, but in my tummy.
Let’s go back inside now Mommy. I need a drink to try to drown those tummy ants.
I am Xena, the Anteating Schnauzer Warrior Princess. *burb*
Cave of the Clan Bears Part 2
Xena: Ludwig, I’m sorry it had to come to this. The All eye ants (see previous post) will be here soon to deal with you.
Ludwig: mmphmph…mmmmm.
Xena: Don’t worry, no one is going to hurt you. Oh, here they all are now.
Brownie: Is it time now, Xena?
Xena: Yep. Let him have it!
Ludwig: *screaming* Mmmmmmphh!
Brownie: Even though you don’t have a honey…
Sweetheart: or a sweetheart…
Winter: or any fois gras…
Rainbow: or furs of many colors…
Everyone: God loves you!
Xena: We want to be your friends. We think that’s what’s best for everyone, including you. And no more hanky panky. What do you say?
Ludwig: Mmmph. Mmm hmmm.
Xena: I let him loose. Don’t let him get out yet.
Ludwig: *sob* Ok, I’ll tell you the truth. My Mom and Pop came over on the boat from Germany, but I was born in Boston. That’s why I sound funny to you Southern Bears…and, uh, to the bunny over there in the corner. And I know some German from my folks. What I said about being lonely, that’s true. I’m new to town, and don’t know anyone ’cause I work all the time. I just thought…*sob*
Sweetheart: Awww, don’t cry, Ludwig. We forgive you.
Winter: And you can play with us and be our friend.
Brownie: And part of the All lie ants.
Xena: And I will ask Mommy to release you from printer guard duty so you can spend time with your new friends.
Sweetheart: I don’t like being a lying ant.
Xena: Consider the All lie ants dissolved. We will all be best friends.
Don’t worry, Ludwig. Lucy won’t really eat you. As long as we are all telling the truth now, I have a confession to make…I was jealous and didn’t want you hanging around my sister. Lucy will be the best friend you ever had! 
Hey everyone! Welcome Ludwig to our family!
I am Xena, the Schnauzer Warrior Princess
Cave of the Clan Bears
Xena: Thank you all for coming. Actually, I didn’t realize this many bears lived in my house. Anyhow let’s get started. Rainbow, why don’t you tell us what happened at work.
Rainbow: Well, Mommy packed me up and took me with her to keep you company. When you left the room, Ludwig jumped down off Mommy’s printer and sidled up to me in your bed. He said you just wanted to be his friend so it was ok. Then he said such nice things to me, I felt all warm and cuddly.
Xena: That’s ’cause you are warm and cuddly, Rainbow.
Rainbow: Oh. So that didn’t mean he is my boyfriend?
Xena: No. And now that you know you don’t need Ludwig to feel good about yourself, do you still want him to be your boyfriend?
Rainbow: Nuh uh.
Xena: Great, I’ll take that as a no. Then let’s make a plan. I learned from a show Mommy was watching that we can form an all lie ants.
Brownie: What’s that? Is it good to eat, like honey? 
Xena: No. It’s a dish served cold, like revenge.
Winter: I’m the biggest bear here. I could set up a table and serve it to him with a little foie gras on the side. That’s served cold too. And maybe some fresh…
Xena: No, no, no! Sweetheart, you come with me to work and lure him back to the house with your heart that says.. uh, Mommy, what does Sweetheart’s heart say?
Mommy: It says “Sweetheart.” What are y’all up to?
Xena: Uh, nothing. I mean, just playing.
Sweetheart: We are all lying ants.
Mommy: *scrunches forehead* Huh? Oh, never mind. Has anyone seen my glasses? I can’t find my glasses. *walks away*
Xena and Bears: *whispers and giggles*
To be continued…
Caught!
You are a soft, lovely Bär with many colors, while I, Herr Ludwig, am only a boring gray.
Ludwig! What are you doing with Rainbow?
Prinzessin Xena, I didn’t expect you back so soon.
Obviously not! Get. Out. Of. My. Bed.
Oh, you cannot mean that, my love. You know my affection for you runs deep. I was just, umm, I was just…
…(whispering) I was just telling Rainbow about my wunderbar visit with you and your family over the Easter holiday. Yes! That is what I was doing.
And you, Rainbow, tell me what happened while I was gone.
Ludwig is my boyfriend. He said I have beautiful furs.
You scoundrel Ludwig! I should rip off your ear!
Mommy: Xena! Don’t bite Ludwig. Ludwig! Get out of Xena’s bed, now!
I still love you, my Prinzessin.
No, no you don’t! Just go and leave me be. Rainbow, you get out, too.
And stay out!
When there are no words…
Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess with Lucy and Chia 