Tag: schnauzer

I think I almost died: the story of getting dog-bit

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June 8, 2014

Hysterical. Yes, I was hysterical. Wouldn’t you be hysterical if someone had hold of your tail with their teeth and was trying to tear it off? Wouldn’t you be hysterical if that same someone had already bitten you in the butt? Wouldn’t you be screaming your crazy head off if all that was happening to you? You know you would. There is a time for hysterics, and that was it.

 It was a lovely day for a walk through our peaceful neighborhood with my Mom and brother Riley. There are no sidewalks and only cars from the neighbors go by, so we were all strolling down the middle of the road toward the cul-de-sac. Suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, a smallish white and brown terrier came tearing at us, curving around our right side where Riley was walking. Later, as her excuse for not rescuing me sooner, Mom related that everyone got behind her and she couldn’t see what was happening. As she turned to look, everyone kept circling behind her so it took her what was a very long minute to quickly turn the other way. Her first thoughts were that Riley was attacking and killing the interloper. The screams were deafening. When she finally got us all in front of her, she saw the horrible terrier was trying to tear off my tail. That was me screaming! At that point she had the presence of mind to grab me up into her arms and chase away that vicious creature. What, you may ask, was Riley doing all this time? I’ll tell you what – standing there like a big dope with his tail tucked between his legs, looking all worried.

 This dog’s mom came running out wanting to know if I was ok. Of course I wasn’t ok! Didn’t she hear me screaming!? I wasn’t shaking, so everyone must have thought I was ok. I was probably in shock. Someone should have administered first aid. Ice cream to the tongue is usually the best. But I was bleeding. Now, I could be vindictive and tell you what breed this little monster was (not schnauzer, I assure you). But I hear there are good dogs in this breed, so I won’t try to prejudice you against them. I think this one was just crazy as bat poop. Her mom said she was thirteen years old and had always attacked any dog she could get her teeth into. My Mom said she would inform her if there was a vet bill. Egads, could the day get any worse?

 So here we go back down the road toward home, me all dog bit and Riley all tucked under, and what happens next? A car bearing a small female child stops next to us, the window rolls down, and the lady driving the car says, “Oh, my daughter loves dogs! Can she see them?”

This would have been a good time for me to go running into the woods, but Mom had that pinch collar thingy on my neck and I couldn’t get away.

Thinking the woman would have some sense in her head and leave, Mom said, “My small dog here just got bit by another dog, so she would have to pet this big one.” Not to be deferred by a poor bleeding schnauzer or a seventy pound hulk, the lady came around the car and opened the door where the little one was strapped into a car seat. Mom started pulling Riley over to the car. To his credit – or lack of good sense – Riley does enjoy the little people and is very careful around them. This time, however, he started pulling away from the car, which meant pulling away from the child. Still pressing on with her agenda, the lady unlatched what by now had been revealed to be a one-year-old girl from her car seat, took her out and stood her up next to the big red dog. Riley rubbed her gently with his big T-Rex head and made googly eyes at her. For once, I was glad to be ignored. Mission accomplished, the lady strapped the child back into her car seat and shut the door. What happens when you remove a dog-loving child from a big, child-loving dog? Yep, the crying and reaching began. By the child, not by Riley. So Mom tries to take the Ri-boy back over to the car, but he was having none of it. Finally the lady drove on down the road, leaving us to make our way back home to take care of me.

Bad day rapidly getting worse…I got dropped into the dog bathtub as soon as we walked through the door. There was talk about disinfecting the wounds. I lost some hair on my left rump where the creature’s fang had punctured me. And I was bleeding from the underside of my tail. The good news was that Mom determined I didn’t need to go to the vet. Whew, dodged that bullet, as well as the inevitable glass stick up the patuti.

 Since the story of my misadventure winds down about now, this seems like a good time to go back to the story of Riley. Because of something bad that happened to him at the dog park, he acquired this nasty habit of attacking other dogs. Ever since then, everyone has been trying to teach him to be nice when he meets other dogs. I’ve noticed that he has been playing nicely with two dogs who live next door, and not bothering any of the other neighborhood dogs. So it seems that when the monster dog attacked me, he was torn about what to do. He was trying to be a good dog even though he knew I was in trouble. Then he could tell that Mom was upset with him for not helping me. And when the car came along, he thought she was trying to put him in it to get rid of him!. Twice! As in get in. No? Meet the nice child. Now get in. What a dufus

 Now that I stop to think about it, I guess Riley wasn’t having such a good day either.

 Later that afternoon the mom of the monster dog came to our house to see if I was ok. She figured out I was ok when I stood on the other side of the door window barking at the top of my lungs at her. I could hear what she was saying through the door. She had been a nervous wreck all afternoon and couldn’t take having this happen again, so her husband was taking the monster terrier to have her put to sleep. I am not sure what that means, but I do remember that when my step-sister Ivy went to be put to sleep, she never came back. What that means to me is that I don’t have to be afraid to take walks in our neighborhood. Mom seemed kind of sad the rest of the day, with lots of other mixed up feelings just like Riley. I was just glad I didn’t get killed.

 Lexi, the poor baby

The Starving Schnauzer

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Once again Mom left early in the morning without me. This is the third day in a row she has done that. I think that means she finally got a job to keep me in kibble.

 Speaking of kibble, I am so over the food she has been putting in my dish. It is a pretty dish. It is all shiny metal inside, and the outside is green with doggie paw prints on it. I licked the paw prints; they don’t taste like dog paws. They don’t taste like anything. And the shiny inside doesn’t help make this kibble taste any better. The kibble is salmon and sweet potato. OK, so I liked it a lot at first. But how many years ago was that? I am really tired of it. Image

That makes for problems because I don’t want to eat it but I don’t want anyone else to eat it either. That means I have to guard it.  For my birthday Mom got me canned food to put on it, so what flavor did she get? Salmon and sweet potato. Geesh! If she likes that food combination so much, maybe she should eat it. Maybe I should just stop eating until she gets me something better. That should show her!

Lexi, the starving schnauzer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Boating and Fast Food

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It has been an exhausting couple of days. Two days ago Mom came home from wherever she had been for over an hour and I could tell right away she was upset. Not a little upset, either. She even told my Dad to get out of her way. Wow. He backed way up way fast and didn’t say a word. Quick as a wink she changed into her boating clothes, grabbed her boat bag and plopped me into the truck. She hooked up my pontoon and off we went to the lake. I started doing therapy on her while we were still in the truck – she really needed it. He face was salty and her eyes were red. We spent the whole afternoon in one spot on the lake. I swam around the boat once to cool off, then napped on and off and tried to do a little more therapy while Mom took turns reading and laying in the sun.

Even all the boating and sunning and reading didn’t help Mom’s mood. I hate to say I benefited by it, but look, when a dog gets to go to the lake and out to dinner at Mickey D’s, yeah, things were going my way. Seems like I was the only one she could stand to be around that day. You’d better believe I was careful to be a very good girl. I have never before had a McD’s hamburger. OMG it is good! Later that evening I heard her say that she was taking me back to McD’s the next day for my birthday. I starting singing and dancing, and everyone laughed. I couldn’t help myself, I just got so excited thinking about that hamburger.

When we got home that night Mom sat down in front of her computer and in a very short time yelled at my Dad to come quick. After getting yelled at earlier to get out of her way, he came running lickity-split to see what was wrong. She told him to read something on her computer and they both started smiling and saying happy things.  Now I know why Mom wasn’t going to the church to work and why she was unhappy today. She had to find a new job so she could make money to buy my kibble and other things. Everything finally worked out great. She is going to work at another church and she is going to work at a non-profit when she isn’t working at the church. She seems really happy about it. I hope I will get to go, too. I will do therapy and keep food cleaned up from the floor.

Finally, the sun came up the next morning and my real birthday day started. After several hours on the lake in the Sammy Joe, I went to the pet store where I found some ferrets I wanted but no one would let me have them. I found some treats and we got those. There were dog beds that I was not very interested in, so we didn’t get any of those, nor any of the collars, harnesses or clothes we looked at. It would have been cruel to buy those things on my birthday.

From there we went to Mickey D’s where I got another hamburger and a dish of ice cream. It was a hot day so we sat in the shade and ate our supper. I ate my hamburger in about five seconds flat plus an extra second for the pickle. Mom couldn’t understand why I didn’t dig into my cup of ice cream. Duh…she still had some of her fish sandwich left. Of course, when she realized that was the reason, she shared it with me so that I could move on to dessert. Once again it took her a minute, but she finally figured out I wanted her to feed me the ice cream with the spoon. Once we got that established, I ate until I got brain freeze. I mean, I saved her a little bit of the ice cream at the bottom of the cup.

On the way home we took a detour to the dog park. A big white dog wanted to “friend me.” I was polite but not interested, so I didn’t “accept.” Why is Mom laughing?  I hear people say this all the time, so I think I should be able to say it too, don’t you? What’s Facebook?

Lexi the fast-food schnauzer

 

 

I think I almost drowned

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OK, sure, I had on that hot pink polka dotted life vest that flies in the face of all that is called fashion. But I feed off my Mom’s emotions, and I think I almost drowned.
Let me back up a bit.
I was having a good, if not wonderful, day on my boat, the Sammy Joe. Yeah, yeah, I am still trying to get the name changed, but am beginning to think it might be like becoming a saint – you have to die first. So maybe we should just stick with the sainted Sammy Joe.
I digress.

I did my usual go in the lake for a swim as soon as the anchor is dropped. My beautiful black hair gets very hot in the sun and I know the lake water will cool me down. The water is actually still fairly cold this time of year, as well as dirty, but it does the trick. After being pulled in when I get back to the front of the pontoon, I shake and rub myself all over any towels and clothes that happen to be at my disposal. Satisfied that everything else on the boat is now at least as wet as me, I sun myself to dry on the bench seat. Today we were fairly near a camp along the shore. We were at least near enough that I could see and hear some of what was going on, so that held my interest for quite a while. Mom read her book in the shade of my boat awning, then she moved to a sunny position at the front of my boat and read some more. After about three or four hours of this I started getting just a bit bored. The wind had picked up enough that I wasn’t getting hot, so I hadn’t gone swimming again. In fact, the wind had picked up so much that it was creating waves that rocked us just like if we were caught in the wake of another boat. On top of that it didn’t look like there were going to be any treats today. I was just thinking about asking to go in for another swim when Mom pulled the anchor, started her up and headed back toward the dock. I stood at the very front of my boat, facing the side as Mom navigated the waves. When I face the front, Mom knows that I am playing hood ornament. I always go to the side when I want to go in the water. Seeing this, Mom stopped the boat, put the awful life vest back on me and dropped me into the water. What she did NOT do was drop the anchor.

I make it my business to always, and I mean always, swim in a clockwise direction around the boat, usually just once. This time I found myself moving faster than usual along the first side. When I made the turn to cross the back near the motor, I started feeling the pull of the water. I made the second turn to swim back up the far side and get pulled in at the front. Then I realized it was like swimming in place. I don’t know if the current was pulling me away from my boat, or pulling my boat away from me. I just know I wasn’t making any progress. Mom reached over the side but couldn’t reach me. She told me to swim harder, but I was swimming as hard as I was able. She reached down and started paddling with her hands to try to get my boat closer to me so she could grab me. I think in her panic she forgot about the new, never used paddle she keeps inside the bench seat. Thankfully, her hand paddling must have worked; her fingers finally twined through the long hairs in my beard and pulled me around to the front where she could lift me to safety. Normally, I would have objected to being pulled through the water by my face, but this time all I felt was relief that she had ahold of me. I am Lexi, the not drowned schnauzer.
Lexi on Boat 2

Both Dorothy’s (or Dorothies?)

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April 4, 2014
This time it was just my face that got washed. And I went to Rock City! It was an event especially for the kids, and there, dressed up like Cinderella in a fairytale, was my second Dorothy. For those of you who haven’t yet read my entire blog from way, way back when, I, Lexitheschnauzer, am the famous Toto on stage in Chattanooga. And if you haven’t read my entire blog, why not? For those of you not in-the-know, I was Toto in 2006 and again in 2010. Everyone in the cast was different the second time except for me, probably because I did so good the first time. And this was my Dorothy from the second time.

Me at Rock City with my royal crown.
Me at Rock City with my royal crown.

Anyhow, she was all dressed up different and had grown up from her high school self and none of us recognized her until she told us who she was. Oh well, she didn’t have any treats for me, so what do I care?

Later, we went into the gift shop to hear Kim read us a fairytale. I think this was my Dorothy/Kim, but it has been so long… I barely remembered her, and just couldn’t get excited over a story without treats. I know how this sounds, but it isn’t like she has ever made an effort to come visit me, take me for ice cream, or anything! How can she expect to keep up a relationship with me if she doesn’t do those things?

There were good dog smells all around, and my family was all there except for Adam and Riley, so it was still a good evening.

Lexi, the Royal Schnauzer

The Party

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April 1, 2014
I got a bath. An all over, nose to tail sort of bath. That meant that I was going somewhere – or that our bedding was starting to stink. I hoped it was the former. I realize that this happens once a week – the bath thing, not the bed stinking thing. But I am a very hopeful, positive thinking type of schnauzer. This time it was worth it, peach bow on my collar and all.

Mom and Dad and I met up with one of the church office volunteers in a parking lot, where we piled into her car and drove up a mountain. I was pretty distracted by the smell of food coming from the back of the car or I would have realized sooner how strange the whole thing was. Of course I recognized Mrs. C., who is often at the church when I go in on Thursdays or Fridays. But it never occurred to me that she existed outside of that building. I have never seen her anywhere else. Perhaps that sounds silly or naïve, but even a cosmopolitan schnauzer like me has a bit of a limited perspective when it comes to certain things. As it turns out, all of my friends who are office volunteers at the church exist outside of that setting. I found this out because we ended up at one of their homes, and lots of the other folks I know were there. My good friends Gail and Susan from the office were there too. I knew from the start this was going to be great because Mom brought my food bowl. We all went in the house and there was a big table piled high with food. It smelled delicious and got my empty tummy to start growling. Oh my, I hope no one thought it was me being mean!

Mom started the chow line and filled my food bowl with wonderfully yummy foods. I started wondering if somehow I had missed that it was my birthday, and this was all for me. Or maybe I was being honored for being the best Episcopalian church dog. Hmmm.

In any case it was a great evening with good friends, good food, and sweet wine – which I refused (so Mom drank my glass). We were sitting around outside, and I noticed when someone’s plate was empty, they would go back inside and come out with a full plate. So I went and scratched at the door, since I couldn’t reach the door handle, and someone let me in, as always happens. Mom finally found me and put more food in my bowl. She instituted the “no ham for the schnauzer rule,” but I got some of everything else.

I still don’t know the reason for the party, or why Mom hasn’t been going to work. I am going to think about that some more while I wait for my supper.

Lexi, the party girl

My life is in Power Point

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Dear faithful friends,

If you hit play you will see my life in something called a Power Point Presentation. Mom promises to get music with it soon, but I was so excited that I want you to see it now!

THE LIFE OF LEXI (2)

Lexi, the Power Point Schnauzer

 

Back at the Children’s Hospital

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Hello my dear friends. I am blogging again, BOL. BTW (which I found out means By The Way), BOL is Bark Out Loud, the dog equivalent for LOL  One has to know these things when one blogs, you see. And even more-so when one texts. Will someone please tell me what texts means? Talking about blogging reminds me that I have an e-mail account now, and I can get attachments, and still, no one has sent me any treats or biscuits of any sort. What’s up with that?

I still haven’t figured out what is going on with Mom, but I can’t continue to dwell on that. My life is much too busy with things like breakfast, snacks, treats, and therapizing. Speaking of therapizing, Mom drove me to the children’s hospital this morning so I could therapize all the sick kids. It was good today, with lots of kids needing my special attention. One very little boy, still in diapers. who used to be scared of dogs, but now has gotten used to us and even likes us. He has two older sisters who liked me a lot too, so I was on the floor surrounded by children petting me, just like in the old days at the theater. What good memories…

Then there was the little boy – toddler, really – who declared he was a-scared of dogs, so I thought I would just stand out in the hallway and look in at him with a smile on my face. He saw my pretty smile and made a dash for me. I guess he forgot to be afraid, because he pet me real good until it was time for him to take a ride in a big plastic wagon.

There was a big family in the hallway who didn’t seem to know what a therapy dog is and wondered why I was in a hospital for people. So my good friend Lois, who always walks around with us and gives me treats before and sometimes during and after my job, explained it all to them, about how I was tested and passed and come to make kids happy. I think she could have added because I am so beautiful and have a scintillating personality. (Do you like my new word for myself?  I have to bark four times to get that one all out. That is one bark plus one bark plus one bark plus one bark. Whew!) Mom indicated to Lois to give the one of my calling cards so that just maybe, if they read my blogs, they will understand better.

We are home now and my people brother has ordered pizza. I saw the delivery person and now I smell it downstairs, so I have to go.

Lexi, the scintillating therapizer

Almost a Disaster!

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February 9, 2014
My Auntie Jen called this afternoon and even with my good doggie ears I couldn’t understand most of what she was saying. She was something called “hysterical.” My little cousin Piper – you remember Piper the schnauzer who lived with us for a while with his brother Milo – anyhow, my little cousin Piper got attacked by a big mean dog and all bit up. He lost part of his ear, too. The other dog actually ate it! Eeeewwww. That’s called cannibalism, and is just not acceptable in our part of the world.

My mom is Auntie Jen’s “person” so she always calls her when something important happens. I wanted to go therapize her (and Piper)  but we live too far away. Six hours away, to be exact. Mommy prayed a lot and so did I and so did my dad. Piper got to the vet in time and is going to be ok. He has holes in his head and his neck and is all bandaged up. My Auntie Jen is all bandaged up too because the big mean dog bit her real bad too.

Mom and I are proud of her, though. Once the big mean dog got dragged off of Piper (with Piper’s ear in his mouth) Auntie Jen threw herself on top of Piper and Milo so that bad dog couldn’t hurt them anymore. She’s a good Mommy.  Piper is going to be ok. Yes, I know, I already said that, and important things are worth repeating, right? And this is really, really important.

I think if my big brother Riley was there he would have killed that bad dog. He loves Piper a lot. Piper is his little buddy. At the very least, he would have done everything he could to protect Piper.

I hope that bad dog doesn’t hurt anyone else. She should be ashamed of herself and not get any treats. She should have to give Piper all her treats forever.

Lexi, the good dog

I am blogging

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January 15, 2014
I can’t believe it has been since September that my Mom helped me to bark a new blog – I learned this is called a blog, so I may use that word a lot for a while. I know Mom’s been busy, but come on! My blogs are quite important, probably more important than anything except my breakfast and supper and snacks. Definitely more important than brushing and bathing me and she sure has found plenty of time for that.

While it is true that to the casual observer I don’t have much to blog about lately, I do stay busy keeping my Dad on track. He works from home, mostly on his computer, so I am not really sure why he couldn’t write my blogs all day. What he is doing could not be more important …or so I thought. Dad has now informed me that my blogging won’t buy me treats or supper, so I had better leave him alone to do his own work. I still forget sometimes, especially when my tummy is growling in the middle of the day and I want my morning go-to-the-mailbox treat or my afternoon after-school treat. No, we don’t go down to the mailbox most mornings now, and I definitely don’t go to school, but that should not interfere with my treat schedule! I try to be helpful by going in his office and reminding him – often. Can you believe he pushes me out and shuts his door? Harrumph! That’s the noise I make when he does that. Not that it does any good.

On with my blog…

My beautiful hair has been growing very long and curly since the weather started turning cold. Mom knows I hate wearing clothes, so she lets my shiny black hair grow to keep me warm. I thought, “Yes! No more grooms!” But Mom still combs me and trims my legs and face and bathes me. Darn. I should have her post – another new word I just learned – a new picture of me in all my hairy glory.

Christmas was good with lots of soft, homemade doggie cookies. Mom made pizza flavored cookies, pumpkin pie flavored cookies and peanut butter cookies. I love them all, but the pizza ones are my favorite.

I have started back with Freestyle. It seems Mom and I have both forgotten a lot, so we work together on it most nights. Not for long, but it is fun and I get treats because I am such a smart girl. I do like to show off what a good dancer I am.

I guess that is all for my blog today. It is time to post it. Blog, blog, blog. BOL!

Lexi, the Blogger

Mom was gone, look who’s moving in

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September 15, 2013
Mom went on vacation without me the last week of August. Dad stayed with me. I am sure he couldn’t bear to go away without me again. Riley and I slept in the bed with him that whole week. I tried my best to keep Riley off the bed, but he is one persistent mutt.

No sooner did Mom come home (I was too happy to see her to be mad) than Andrew and Jentry and Conner moved into our basement. The basement is nice – it has a kitchen and two real big rooms and a full bathroom. They are supposed to be looking for a house and needed a place to stay. Riley is really, really happy. Sure, I love Andrew, but Riley sticks to him like glue. Also, nine-year-old Connor is playing with him every day. Dad jokes that we got Riley a boy. I don’t believe that every dog needs a boy, but Riley certainly seems to be grooving on it. Maybe this will keep Riley out of my hair. My beautiful hair.

Lexi, the hopeful schnauzer

I found Lily

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April 23, 2013
Mom was looking all over the house when she finally stopped and said, “Lexi, find Lily.” For those of you not in the know, Lily is my 15 year old step-sister, a biggish orangish dog. As I was in my closet at the time – that is, the master closet where my kennel resides – I started there, then stood up with my paws on the bathroom cupboards so I could try to see if she was on top of the bathroom counter. Nope. Not there. I proceeded to the living room, sniffing and using my good eyesight, but no Lily. I continued on into the kitchen, which would have been my choice of a place to hide, but not there either. I ran back to my Dad’s home office and sure enough, there she was. I let out a loud bark so Mom would know I had found Lily. He, he, wasn’t Lily surprised! Mom was so happy with me that she gave me a treat, right in front of my brother Riley. And–he-did-not-get-one.

Lexi, the tracking schnauzer

Big surprises at the children’s hospital

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April 17, 2013
It started out similar to any other day at the children’s hospital except, since it was the week before Easter, many of the children had left or were preparing to leave. After quickly making the usual rounds, we headed up to the outpatient section on the third floor. As we stepped off the elevator I saw two nurses standing outside the doors of a place I had never been called the IC Unit. They oohed and awed over me as most people with any taste and sense do. Now, please don’t think I tire of such adulation – to the contrary, I live for it. Mom says that is why I am so good on stage. But I digress. They told us to come into the unit, but I think they were worried because they were looking around like I do when I want to snatch some of my brother’s food. I wasn’t worried, though. What’s the worst that could happen? I have certainly been thrown out of nicer places. And worse, come to think of it. So in we went, and I visited with only one person, but it was sure worth it. She asked me to sit in the bed with her while she pet me like she really knew what she was doing. She grinned from ear-to-ear and said I had made her day. I could tell she really needed me there so I settled in for the long haul. When I finally had to move on, she smiled at me until I was out of sight. I heard one of the nurses say she had been crying because her family didn’t have any gas to come and visit her. I sure hope Mom never runs out of gas. I am not sure what it is but it seems like something that is really important to have.

From there we went into the outpatient unit where I visited with only one child. As we were leaving a doctor stopped us and asked if we would wait for his patient to wake up but Mom said she had better get back to work. Then, as we were waiting to get on the elevator, someone from a place called ABC stopped us and asked if they could film me with one of the patients. Mom whipped out her cell phone and called her boss to let him know we were going to be a bit late and why. It was real quiet for a minute and later I found out that her boss didn’t say anything for a while. Boy, wasn’t he surprised! Then he said it was ok, so we went back in and I did my therapy thing for the camera. It was a little hard to do though, because I normally do therapy as a reaction to what the patient needs, and this patient didn’t really seem to need me. Dang, if I had just had some warning I could have gone into acting mode and oohed and awed everyone. I got bored with the whole thing and went to the bottom of the bed to get a better look at the camera, and so it could get a better picture of me. The people were real nice to me and told us that it would air on ABC National during some Children’s Miracle Telethon in the middle of a golf tournament. Mom explained that meant I was going to be on TV where hundreds, no thousands, no – thousands of thousands of people would see me. Woohoo! I wish they
could all give me treats and ask to have their pictures taken with me.

The doctor showed up again and asked if we could come see his patient because she had really wanted to see me before she fell asleep so he could do something called an operation. She was still asleep, but her family said that was ok, just put me up close to her in the bed so they could all take pictures to show that I had come to visit her. I posed some more while everyone’s cell phone flashed.

On the way home, Mom called Mary Gardner – who had forgotten about coming to take me to the hospital – and said, boy, did you ever miss it today! He, he, wasn’t she surprised!

Valentine’s Day

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February 14, 2013
I hope everyone is having a delicious Valentine’s Day with all your favorite treats. Actually, I wish I was the one getting all my favorite treats. Let me tell you how my day began.

Just before mom left for work she tried to give me one of those hard candy hearts that have writing on them. I have had them before and know they aren’t any good. When I wouldn’t take it she laid it on the kitchen floor in front of me. I sensed she would be disappointed if I rejected her love offering, so I picked it up, carried it in the other room and laid it down. I hope she didn’t see me do that because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Then I ran back to say goodbye before burying the icky candy in the couch for good.

Actually, I ran back to ask if I could go with her with this being Thursday and all. Statistically speaking I go with mom to work on Thursdays more than any other day so I figured my chances were pretty good as opposed to, say, a Monday. But no, she said I needed to stay home and sit in dad’s lap a lot today.

So how do I get rewarded? Dad told mom that he was worried about me because I was sitting in his lap a lot today, which is a deviant from my normal aloof behavior. Mom reminded him that I was just doing what she had asked me to do. That seemed to worry him even more!

Then mom told him that she was worried about me because I didn’t eat the candy she gave me this morning and maybe he should take my temperature. Thankfully, dad isn’t big into sticking things in my derriere, so that didn’t happen. Whew, missed that bullet.

All this just because I was trying to be nice. What is that saying… oh yes, no good deed goes unpunished.

Well, we did go for a good walk and I got to poop in other yards where cats live and watch mom clean it up. That kind of made up for the rest of the day. I am pretty tired from being so nice today, so I think I will go to bed early and hope for a better night-night treat.

Love to all,
Lexi the nice Schnauzer

The Tivoli Experience

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December 17, 2012
Precious fans, I know you have been waiting with bated breath – or maybe that is kibble breath – to hear about my command performance on stage at the Tivoli. Let me just say it did not start out well. Mom and I went in the stage door and the doorkeeper – sorta like that guy with the big mustache and top hat who kept the door at the Emerald City – said, “That dog can’t be here.” Without missing a beat Mom said, “Yes she can.” He said, “No she can’t.” Mom said, “Yes she can,” the man said, well you get the picture. They finally called in the folks in charge and had a big discussion and looked at rules and you won’t believe this, no I couldn’t. It seems the place is owned by the city and I would have had to have permits from the Humane Society and the ASPCA and I think God himself. They said it is easier to get permits for fireworks than for animals. Everyone felt bad since they had, after all, invited me, so they said I could stay, I just couldn’t perform on stage. What was I to do…I’ll tell you what! Therapy! There were a lot of stressed-out people around there, and I didn’t waste any time. That sweet lady maestra was there and spent time petting me and talking so nice to me in her pretty voice. In fact the next day she gave Mom a Christmas card with my name on it too and asked why she didn’t bring me!

After about an hour or so my Dad showed up and I was so happy to see him. I had just finished my therapy work – and believe me, there were a lot of folks there who needed it – and he and Riley and I went home where I took a much deserved nap.

I didn’t tell Riley I wasn’t on the stage. Let’s keep that our secret, ok?

Lexi, the Tivoli therapy dog

I’m on stage again, yea!

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December 14, 2012
Hello my loyal and awesome fans. Well, I did it again. Headline news: I am starring (Mom says appearing, I say starring) in the Chattanooga Symphony Opera’s Home for the Holiday Production at the Tivoli Theater this weekend. Saturday and Sunday. If you remember, I already did one gig for the Tivoli when I rode around with “Dorothy” in a pedicab to promote their Wizard of Oz symphony production. Anyhow, here’s how it all came down this time:

I went to work with Mom yesterday so that I could A. Hang out and get fed and pet and B. Go to one of the local hospitals to help make people there smile. A. happened, B. cancelled – odd, I’ve never had them cancel before, but something about the pet therapy person having knee surgery.

Mom had a Home for the Holidays production meeting that evening at the church where we work, and since I was itching for something to do, I followed along with her to the meeting. I was busy mingling and checking for food when the producer caught sight of me and without so much as an introduction, glance at my bio or anything, said, “I want
that dog in the show.” I am a natural, I have to admit. One look at me and someone in the know, just knows. I belong on the stage; it is like my second home. Adoring fans, treats, what more could any schnauzer ask for? Mom answered that yes, I am a stage dog, very happy and comfortable on the stage, and if he really wanted me (come on, Mom, didn’t he just say he did!?) that she would bring me. Other than running down the aisle (Mom thinks we are walking; won’t she be surprised) she said she doesn’t know what I am going to do after that while she is dancing, but the maestra (who fell in love with me last night at the meeting) could hold me. The producer said no, he wanted me to be able to run around. Woo hoo! I get to ad lib! I am really good at that, as I am at most things. I can’t wait! I will let you, my devoted fans, know just how it went and what I do on stage.

Lexi, the Tivoli dog

Theatre: Riley out, Lexi not in either

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December 14, 2012
Here’s an update on the Riley might be on the stage fiasco. HE DIDN’T GET THE PART. Big surprise there. (Yes, we schnauzers understand sarcasm.) The really big surprise is that I didn’t get the part as Sandy in Annie, either. So what I didn’t audition. They should have known! Considering my considerable stage experience and talent, not to mention my last name is Sandy, I simply can’t believe it. What I do believe is that I hear the mismatched mixed breed that was chosen is bombing. I don’t mean to besmirch anyone’s reputation – he’s doing a good enough job of it on his own – but it seems that he’s afraid to be on the stage and won’t go to Annie, even when she implores him with treats in hand. Sure, I’m a bit short in stature, but if you remember my motto (one of many) “You’re as big as you think you are,” then you know I would have been perfect for the part. Everyone would have seen me as a big dog because that’s how I would have played the role! Heck, I already played Toto as a BOY and a CAIRN TERRIER.

Maybe next time…

Lexi Sandy, not Annie’s Sandy

RILEY’S DIARY: Sandy Audition

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November 13, 2012
Hi friends! I had an audition last night! Not sure what that was all about, but Mom said I could be Sandy, which really confused me since that is already my name – Riley Sandy. Who can understand these people sometimes. But I got to go in front of people and do stuff like sit and say, and I know I did good because I got treats. I showed them all how much I liked them by jumping on them. The little girl looked kind of alarmed, so when she was done singing to me, I put my front paws on her and tried to lick her face. I also tried to get the treat she was holding because I think she forgot to give it to me.

Lexi came with us and when people asked with a laugh if she was auditioning I knew it was because she had been Toto and everyone loves her. Mom explained she was too small, but she was here as my talent agent. Everyone laughed again except Lexi. She scowled at me a lot. I wonder if that is what talent agents do.

I hope I get to go back and be famous like Lexi. I love you.

Riley

Riley in Theater? How could this be!

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November 13, 2012
Yesterday Mom dropped Riley off at day care and brought me to work, and at that point I thought the world was still turning the right direction on its axis. I had a good day at the church even though it was a Monday and the Quilters were not there. There were still lots of treats from other quarters.

Then we went to get Riley after work, which was still the norm. Where we went next was surprising but pleasant. Mom drove us to the Theatre Centre, a place of many happy memories for me. I not only gave stunning performances there in my role as Toto, I have also presented awards, received an award, and attended performances at other plays there. It’s sort of like my alma mater. So far so good. There was even someone there with a microphone doing interviews and she was naturally more interested in me that anyone else. I really didn’t understand why Riley was with us, other than he didn’t have anywhere else to go, probably because no one wanted him. Mom told her all about my stint in the Wizard of Oz with several amusing antidotes. I know the reporter will have some good material there. Perhaps she will come back wanting a picture, my head shot for instance.

It was what happened next that sent my world spinning. We went into the rehearsal room to audition, just like I did five years ago when I got the part of Toto. I heard Riley’s name called and Mom tied me to a chair. Everyone had made a terrible mistake. Surely they didn’t actually want that big red bumbling mutt. Oh, the injustice! The travesty! What has this world come to! I tried to drag the chair out to the center of the room to make sure they saw me and realized their horrendous error. Someone grabbed my leash and stopped me. Pulled up short I barked and was ignored. Then Riley proceeded to embarrass me as he usually does. While it is true that he sat nicely and stayed and came when told, and while it is also true that he gave quite a nice bow, he was jumping all over people and I think he may have even frightened the little darling who was sent out to be his victim. Just when I thought she had had enough, someone brought her a chair, where she sat and sang prettily to him. He didn’t exactly sit still while she sang, but when she was done he did show her how much he appreciated her singing by groveling all over her. I don’t think she liked that either. He does weigh quite a bit you know, far more than a one stone schnauzer. In fact, he is probably at least three stones plus a lot of pebbles thrown in.

When all the dogs except me were done auditioning we were told that there were more dogs auditioning tomorrow and everyone would be notified of the results. Now that I have had more time to think about it, I am thinking that they will simply call me to come be the star without even so much as an audition since they already know what an awesome performance I give. They must just be doing this stupid human thing of being “fair” but I think it is just building up false hopes.

I will wait for the call and act surprised when Mom tells me I got the part. He, he. Won’t all those other dogs be surprised!

Lexi, the thespian